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 Marriage and Destiny

Does man choose his spouse with his free will or does Allah predetermine his choice? Is the choise of spouse predestined?

Destiny (Qadar) Is Divided into Two Groups

The first part is the destiny which is shaped by the will of man; the other is the destiny which the human will is never involved in and absolutely up to the Divine Decree. The gender, physiological properties, birth and death, what kind of and which parents he will have etc…are a few examples of the second part of destiny which the person may not determine with his will and choice and which is the destiny Allah wills with so many hikmahs (the hidden causes put by wisdom) behind.

Marriage is shaped by the will of man

Marriage is shaped by the will of man, so takes part in the first part of destiny. If marriage were a predestined absolute, no choices and no advises would be effective on it. But if we pay attention to the hadiths, we’ll see that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) gave many advises about marriage. For a Muslim, this point is a clue proving that marriage is a decision shaped with our free will.

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has many advises about spouse choice

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) gave important advises to be careful in spouse choice. One of them is as follows:
Abu Huraira narrated that:
“The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things; her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman.” (Sahih Bukhari-, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27)
We clearly understand from this statement that we choose our spouse with our free-will, so we must take some essential points into account while making our decision. If marriage were a predestined absolute, the Blessed Prophet (pbuh) wouldn’t give any advises about it.

Man may determine and affect his destiny with his words and actions

Some marriages seem to take place as a result of coincidences and external causes. So they are thought to be out of will. But in fact “free will of man” lies behind them. Because a man’s past actions; past mistakes and deeds and also his “words” affect his future.
Prophet Joseph is an obvious example for this issue. According to the narratives, when he saw his reflection on the surface of the water, he looked at his beauty and said: “I wonder how much money I would cost if I were a slave.” These words affected his destiny and caused him to be sold as a slave in the future. As understood from this anecdote, words and actions play determining role in many parts of future events.
For example, we see a married couple discussing with each other and we start commenting on them. “If I were him/her, I would never let my wife /husband insult me. I would definitely score off him/her.” or “That woman is really quarrelsome. If I were her, I would exactly find out a way to get along with my husband.” Or” It's all about his/her incompetence. If I were him/her, I would never make such mistakes.” And etc. Like these, many careless sayings and comments may cause us to live similar mistakes and troubles in the future. So we must be careful about our words.

There are some marriages that take place completely out of free-will

Besides, it is possible for some marriages to take place completely out of free will and happen just by the divine will. In such a situation, people shouldn’t regard themselves irresponsible for their marriages and should make their best to have a happy and peaceful family. They should consider it as a test and think about its wisdoms. Asiya, the wife of the Pharaoh is an excellent example for this issue. She had one of the most cruel and faithless husbands of all time. Nevertheless, she put up with him and never rebelled against her destiny. She always regarded her situation as a test and sought refuge in Allah. So, she deserved to be one of the four most blessed heaven women.
And Allah has set forth an example for those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh, when she said: “My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Pharaoh and his work, and save me from the people who are wrong-doers.” (Surah at-Tahrim, 11) Kaynak: http://askaquestionto.us - Marriage and Destiny

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