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 Is a Person Obliged to Love His Parents Although They Live in Another City?

Dear Ask a Question to us Team,  I have a friend who have problems with his father and he asks this question: "Does a man have to love his parents although they live in another city?"

Answer:

Assalamu Alaikum Dear Brother
Firstly, we thank you for your question.

We will show a great concern to provide you with the best answer.

As we all know Islam orders justice. And also It orders to be patient and respectful towards parents. Even if the parents live in another city. Still a child must show respect to his parents. Because orders doesn't change from city to city as you know our dear fellow. But according to your question, you want to ask whether you have to love your father because he did bad things to you. This is another issue. Because, Loving them is one thing, and good dealing with them is another different thing. You may not love your father who treated you badly in the past for some reasons. But still we advise you to respect him in the best way. Each believer should accomplish what Islam orders as best as he can. And Islam orders to be kind and respectful, even if you dont love them. That you hate your father doesnt necessarily mean that you should hurt him badly or you should say bad words to him. This wouldnt be permissible for a child. Whatever his/her parents did in the past, his duty in regards to Islam is to respect and be kind to them. Even if you dont love your father, it is your duty to be kind.
If we consider the hadith below, it is a duty of a child to treat his father/mother kindly, and even if they dont believe in Islam a child should accomplish their duties towards them:

“Asma' bint Abu Bakr reported: My mother who was a polytheist came to me when he (the Holy Prophet) entered into treaty with, the Quraish (of Mecca). I inquired from the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) saying: Messenger of Allah, there has come to me my mother and she is inclined; should I (in this state of her mind) show her kindness? He said: Yes, treat her kindly (keep ties with your mother.)” (Kitab-uz Zakat: Book 005, Number 2195)

Thus, worldly affairs, business dealings, compensations, and exchanges (of good treatment) between Muslims and disbelievers in beneficial affairs that do not affect the Religion are permissible. Similarly, diplomatic representation between embassies is also not harmful. The polytheists used to send messengers to the Prophet to negotiate with him. These kinds of affairs are not things that show loyalty; rather they are merely permissible affairs of benefit between the Muslims and the disbelievers.

"Allah does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion and did not drive you out of your homes. Verily, Allah loves those who deal with equity.” (Mumtahinah, 8)

That the child must obey whatever parents command doesn’t mean that he must obey them when they order him Islamically prohibited actions. Most ulama (scholars) are in agreement on this matter.
Even if the parents are disbelievers, still, one must show them the concerns and treat them respectably and kindly. Treating them in an unkind way just because they dont believe in Islam would be an inhumane action which doesnt fit our beautiful and peaceful religion of Islam.

But if the parents are preventing from obeying the orders of Allah (swt) and if they compel to commit sinful (haram) actions, he/she has the right of being disobedient towards his parents. Indeed, he/she must not obey them in this case. Nevertheless; he, still, should pay the greatest attention to the orders of Allah on showing the best manners to the parents. It is obligatory to be kind to one’s disbelieving parents, even if you don’t love them, but you still must treat them according to Islam as the ayah says:

“However if they strive with you to make you ascribe on Me partners that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; Yet nicely possess them in the world! And follow the path of those who tend to Me! In the end, only to Me is your return; then I will notify you all that you have been doing.” (Loqman, 15)

The commentary of this verse (ayah) was made by Imam Kurtubi:
“Both in the issues of committing a major sin and quitting a command which is fard-i ayn (individual obligatory). In the issues which are regarded as mubah (neutral) one must obey his/her parents. (Al-Jami’ul Ahkamu’l Qur’an)

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents, but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me alone is your return, at that time I shall inform you of what you have been doing.” (Ankabut, 8)

We sincerely advise you to treat your father in a kind way. We dont know what happened between you and your father. There may be many bad things that happened but still mercy is the best manner to show. A Muslim should still do his job and treat them in a kind way. Love may probably be such a big word in return for the actions that your father have done in the past. But we should still show kindness. You dont have to love him, but you shouldnt treat him badly but in a kind and respectful manner. Allah knows may be, he would repent and regret what he had done in the past. He may even follow your footsteps in Islam and you would be a great example for your father to follow.

We wish you a good day Dear Brother in Islam.
Take good care of yourself.
Fie aman illah.
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